How To Talk To Girls - Five Golden Rules

May 16, 2012
Let me cut to the cse: if you don't know how to carry on a good conversation, you can forget about being awesome with girls. The good news is… with consistent effort and practice, you can master this skill. Don’t worry if you don’t have a natural “gift of gab.” With consistent effort and practice over time, you can get better results with women than your silver-tongued brethren. That’s because you’ve developed a core foundation of skills for any situation you’ll encounter.

One of the most important things to keep in mind when you talk to women is that you want to seem ORIGINAL. You shouldn't ask the same questions or use any of the same "lines" that she's heard from all the other guys. When you use these methods of "creative conversation," she'll never know what you're going to say next - and this stimulates her curosity and interest in you. This keeps her guessing, and wards off the biggest enemy and attraction-killer for a woman: Boredom. You don't need to talk about deep subjects. In fact, you can keep the conversation light and playful. But it must never be boring. The ability to engage her in a fun conversation, that branches out into unexpected areas, can be the key advantage you have over the other guys...and it's a surefire way to make her start feeling interested in you.

Let’s get started - here are 5 of the best ways to keep a conversation moving forward:

1. Ask her questions that are non-threatening and genuine

If you're been studying PUA (Pick Up Artist) routines and language, there's a good chance that the girl you're talking to has encountered this stuff before. PUA routines have gone mainstream, and in bars and clubs around the world these routines are being overused. Some of these PUA routines are in fact quite clever (and can be effective) - assuming she hasn't heard them before. But you must remember that any lines or routines you use must be congruent with your personality and body language. You must project confidence and playfulness. The most clever "pickup routine" in the world will fail miserably if the guy delivering it is fidgeting nervously and can't maintain eye contact. All you really need to do is ask authentic questions that demonstrate that you're sincerely interested in her (and her goals, personal interests, and perhaps a "hidden talent" or passion that you can get her to reveal. A woman needs to trust and feel safe around you before she’s willing to spend more time in a conversation. Real badasses don’t rely on canned lines, they have the confidence to express genuine opinions and questions.

2. Be perceptive, notice details, and be aware of your surroundings

You'll never "run out of steam" during the conversation, and struggle to figure out what to say next, if you pay attention to the environment you're in -- and the people, places and things around you. . It’s a rare man who actually does this, and it’s a very attractive trait to women. You don't ever want to her to suspect that you have an agenda, and that you're TRYING to use lines or routines to trick her into "liking" you. Don't underestimate the power of the female "B.S. detector," which is hard-wired into them. (This is especially true with very attractive women, who have a ton of experience with talking to men and can spot a phony a mile away.) If she feels that you're not being truthful, or that you're trying to manipulate her into hooking up with you, it's game over.

3. Don’t let her see you sweat, keep it light

Most women spend a lot of time worrying about any number of topics. A guy who can keep her mind off the worries of the world is someone she’ll want to spend more time with. Think of Hollywood icons such as Sylvester Stallone, George Clooney, Russell Crowe, Clint Eastwood, or John Wayne -- these guys never seemed worried or anxious, and were able to handle any situation that arose. And they added an occasional dose of good humor to show they were in control. When you radiate this type of confidence and control, women are going to want to follow your lead because you make them feel safe. By being cool, calm and relaxed at all times, and using humor (especially when things aren't going according to plan, such as trying to talk to a girl in a loud, crowded nightclub), you'll make her feel safe in your presence, and this is one of the prerequisites for making any woman feel attraction.

4. Be an active listener

Observe the interactions between guys and girls the next time you're hanging out in a bar or club. You'll notice that in most cases, the guy does most of the talking -- usually in an effort to impress her. But the conversation game isn't won by being the smoothest talker, or trying to "earn points" by bragging about who you know, the car you drive, the money you make, etc. It's also about being an attentive listener. Being a great listener might not come naturally to you, especially if you're an outgoing guy with a good sense of humor, who is used to being the center of attention when you're hanging out with your buddies. Even if you have to bite your tongue waiting for someone to finish their thought or ideas, do it. One of the rules of human behavior is that people appreciate it when other people LISTEN to them, and this is especially true with women, who really appreciate a guy who seems interested in what they have to say. When you practice being an active listener, you’ll become more relaxed in all social situations.

5. Stay in the moment and always be "present" (not distracted)

Men have a tendency to let their thoughts drift in a million different directions, rather than focusing on what's right in front of them -- in this case, a woman you want to connect with. If you're the type of guy who gets anxious or tongue-tied around hot girls, you might allow your thoughts to drift all over the place ("Does this girl like me?" "What if she has a boyfriend?" "Do I sound like a total dork?" Etc.). When this happens, and you allow your own "mental traffic" to distract you, you won't be focused on the present moment. For women it’s called being “present,” and it’s absolutely HUGE.

A female friend of mine said: “Being present is EVERYTHING.” This means you’re truly engaged in a conversation, contributing and giving genuine feedback. Don't behave like most guys do -- nodding your head like a brainless "bobble head" doll and simply saying "uh-huh" or "yeah, totally" once in a while. Women aren’t fooled at all when you do this. You'll seem apathetic (i.e. you really don't care about what she's saying), or just plain clueless and socially awkward. This certainly won't score you any points with her, and she'll probably want to excuse herself from the conversation before long.

Like anything, you’ll have to put in time and effort to develop this skill - but the payoff in better business and personal relationships is HUGE. Everyone loves to be listened to and appreciated, whether it's a babe you meet at the bar, or the guy sitting across the desk from you, interviewing you for a job.

Conversation is just one of the skills needed to be a badass with women. If you try to learn these skills and attitudes on your own without any guidance, you’re in for a long, ego-bruising journey (like I went through). Don’t try and “re-invent the wheel” when it comes to your social life. And I'm not a believer in PUA routines or trying to use sneaky, manipulative tricks to attract women, since this stuff rarely works in the long run. I do believe in good, solid information that can help you become the rare man who can attract - and keep - a quality woman in your life. 

If you're ready to become the "total package" that women love, download the legendary Mack Tactics guide by clicking the link below. This book will teach you how to be incredibly clever and charming to the girls you talk to -- but it will also give you the tools you need to create the overall image and lifestyle that attracts women TO you. Why wait another day, or spend another Saturday night striking out and not getting the results you want.


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